


panic! at the beanstalk (or, ryan ross is a pretty, pretty girl)

by words_unravel



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Disney, Alternate Universe - Fusion, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-09-13
Updated: 2007-09-13
Packaged: 2018-01-16 18:20:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1357333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/words_unravel/pseuds/words_unravel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Spencer kind of refuses to believe this is actually happening.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	panic! at the beanstalk (or, ryan ross is a pretty, pretty girl)

**Author's Note:**

> [Prompt: [](http://band-princesses.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://band-princesses.livejournal.com/)**band_princesses** Disney Challenge - _Fun & Fancy Free_]  
> [A/N: I am going to apologize from the onset for the style of this fic. Seriously. I started writing it in a stream of conscious kind of way so that I could get my ideas down. Get the flow, right? Only I did that in one night, and then it sat in my notebook for 5 days. Ugh. So finally i sent it over to my good friend, [](http://spleenjournal.livejournal.com/profile)[**spleenjournal**](http://spleenjournal.livejournal.com/) and she was like, wtf? just leave it like that! ...so i did. One, because I adore her and Two, I _am_ that lazy. Also, mad hugs go out to [](http://fallingfortruth.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://fallingfortruth.livejournal.com/)**fallingfortruth** because she's kind of awesome.

* * *

SCENE#1  
spencer kind of refuses to believe this is actually happening. Because seriously, people. _seriously._ jon, as usual, is taking everything in with his normal air of _well, that's kind of interesting_ \- as if the laws of physics and the very fabric of their reality hasn't been torn asunder, their world gone mad....and brendon? brendon's in fuckin' _heaven_. because aladdin may be his favorite Disney movie, but apparently he's always, _always_ wanted to climb a beanstalk.

_seriously._

*

SCENE#2  
a few hours later, spencer's willing (maybe) to believe this shit's actually happening. only because he's had to rescue Brendon no less than 5 times from falling off a vine and into the oblivion of blue that's all they can see as they climb. spencer may not be ready to believe he's actually _climbing a beanstalk_ , but he's sure as hell not ready to lose his bandmate to a maybe-metaphorical giant plant. who would sing then? certainly not ryan.

who, by the way, is totally on spencer's Shit List. at the top actually. for some how or another failing to be caught up in this Disney Hell with the rest of them. god. when he finds out how ryan managed to get out of this, there's totally going to be torture involved. Or shoe shopping. spencer hasn't quite decided which yet.

*

SCENE#3  
after what feels like a million years, they finally get to the top of the beanstalk. okay, not so much the top as the damn thing keeps going up, but brendon shouts _hey, there's a castle!_ and spencer totally catches the back of his shirt. since brendon, you know, _let go of the beanstalk_ to point excitedly at said castle on the horizon.

they set off and after a while, brendon climbs a plant to make sure they're going in the right direction because _duh, smith, they could totally be going around in circles_. spencer's pretty sure he may have sprained something with that last eye roll. brendon somehow manages to fall into spencer's arms and then spends the next 10 minutes extolling the great virtues of Spencer Smith, Superhero. that and he keeps rambling about how his soul now belongs to spencer. and spencer's not blushing, he's not. he catches jon watching them, obviously amused.

spencer drops brendon on his ass.

*

INTERLUDE#1  
ryan is pissed. where the fuck is everybody?

*

SCENE#4  
sleeping in the forest is actually kind of creepy. they're small, okay? it's going to take a while to get to the castle. and it's cold, jon starts a fire (out of his ass apparently because spencer _still_ can't figure out how) and becomes brendon's new favorite person. which spencer isn't jealous. he's not, got it? jon talks him into cuddling for added warmth, brendon is ecstatic at possible boy!pile.

spencer wakes up with jon's breath in his neck, brendon's face in his stomach and everyone's morning wood poking him somewhere. awkward. spencer pretends it didn't happen (he's actually pretty good at that, you know? this adventure is totally _not happening_ according to his amazing ability to pretend shit doesn't exist).

travel continues.

*

INTERLUDE#2  
no, really. ryan. is. seriously. Not. Happy. yellow is _so_ not his color, okay?

*

SCENE#5  
brendon finds berries and somehow manages to dye three-quarters of himself blue. no, he actually did some kind of mathematical equation thing to figure it out. jon's impressed and spencer feels bad (momentarily) because he seriously didn't think brendon could count that high. travel continues, along with numberous charlie and the chocolate factory jokes. spencer feels good despite the situation. until brendon starts singing the oompa-loompa song. and won't _shut the fuck up_. jon actually has to physically restrain spencer from strangling him. brendon trips over something in the mad scramble to get away.

look! they made it to the castle!

*

SCENE#6  
this climbing shit is overrated. god, stairs suck. spencer is seriously hungry now and brendon is making A LOT of noise. _jesus christ, b, we're in the house of A GIANT, stfu, okay?_ and then, suddenly, there's food. oh blessed heaven. somehow or another, brendon gets stuck in the jello. jon's laughing so hard he nearly snorts a black olive out of his nose. which, considering their size, is actually pretty impressive. the giant finds them, he's intrigued by spencer. thinks he's as pretty as his singing harp, so he brings her down.

and now spencer can't stop laughing.

*

NOT SO MUCH AN INTERLUDE AS AN INTERNAL MONOLOGUE#1  
Ryan hates his friends. especially spencer. is this his punishment for wanting to make happy music? fuck.

*

SCENE#7  
jon and brendon get put in the harp's box. spencer manages to get away. brendon's kind of put out at the whole Ryan-is-the-harp thing. He's the voice of Panic!, right? he so should have been the harp. outside the box, spencer does a lot of eye-rolling. jon soothes brendon's broken soul.

and now spencer is no longer rolling his eyes and he doesn't really want to know what those noises mean. god, he really needs to concentrate, okay? they seriously need to rescue ryan (ahahahaha) and get the hell out of here.

*

NOT SO MUCH AN INTERLUDE AS AN INTERNAL MONOLOGUE#2  
Ryan is still pissed. he knows that every time spencer looks at him, he's laughing. bastard. at least his dress is pretty. it may even be made of gold. which'd be, you know, sweet.

*

SCENE#8  
spencer is about to throw shit. ryan's not paying attention at all. he's, what? he's fondling his dress? god. whatever. finally ryan hears the absolutely scathing remarks spencer's sending him with his brain. either that, or he just happens to finally look up, you choose.

he and spencer have this whole conversation with their eyebrows before spencer starts blushing at a particularly loud moan behind him. which he's not even curious about. not at all. ryan wants to know what's going on, spencer ignores him and wants to ryan to sing to put the giant to sleep. vague little mermaid hand gestures ensue.

*

NOT SO MUCH AN INTERLUDE AS AN INTERNAL MONOLOGUE#3  
god. what is he? ariel? christ.

*

MEANWHILE, INSIDE THE BOX OF HOT LOVIN', ER, CAPTIVITY#1  
brendon is now incredibly happy that he is not the harp. that and he loves jon's hands. they're warm. and callused in the right places...spencer should so be here for this. because duh. hips. he'll have to bring that up later....

*  
SCENE#9 spencer really can't believe this shit. thread is so not conducive to rescue missions. and he's covered in snuff. and there's the part where he _nearly died_ getting back up here.

...and now he's staring at a thoroughly debauched brendon urie. fuckers. he's had to do all the hard work here: stupid ryan with his stupid dress and the stupid giant and climbing up and down that stupid thread (and man, his arms really ache now) just so he can rescue his stupid band. who probably had sex while he was out risking his life for them. okay, he doesn't really want to think about them having sex, but brendon's mouth is all red and swollen and he's _relaxed_ for once and doesn't spencer deserve something for his bravery?

*

NOT SO MUCH AN INTERLUDE AS AN INTERNAL MONOLOGUE#4  
what the fuck's taking them so long? dammit. he knew there was _something_ going on up there. assholes.

*

SCENE#10  
Jon finally interrupts spencer's inner ramblings with a hug and a slow grin and a _thanks, spence, you're the best_ against his ear. breath against his ear. and that's kinda hot, but no. they have to go rescue ryan (ahaha) now and somehow get back down the beanstalk. but man, jon feels kinda nice against him. and then brendon's nuzzling his neck on the other side and wow, that's kinda nice too. wasn't there something they were supposed to be doing?

it's about this time that ryan sings something really crude about asshole best friends and he remembers.

*

SCENE#11  
they're on the way out of the castle, carrying ryan between them and _dammit, brendon, watch your fuckin' hands_ when the giant wakes up and realizes they're missing. they don't have enough time to get down the stairs, they know this, but there's not much of anything else they can do really. ryan's kind of yelling and spencer is arguing with brendon and jon is just watching over his shoulder as the giant makes his way closer. finally, he just pushes everyone over the side of the castle steps into the moat below and jumps in afterward.

*

NOCTURNAL INTERLUDE#1  
Ryan feels funny. he's asleep, he knows, but it's not comfortable so he rolls onto his back.

*

SCENE#12  
spencer wakes up, breath caught in his throat. weird dream. he goes into the kitchen and has just sat down with his coffee when brendon shuffles in and pretty much curls up around spencer. and wow, it may have been a dream, but it still feels really nice with brendon's breath on the hollow of his throat. jon comes in a few minutes later, smiles at them and then proceeds to start telling them this really weird dream he had. spencer's momentarily distracted by the sound of ryan getting up to go to the bathroom, but he can feel brendon tensing up against him as jon continues. _um, jon? we all had that dream and perhaps it wasn't a dream, but -_

* NOCTURNAL INTERLUDE (OR THE SHRIEK TO END ALL SHRIEKS, REALLY)#2  
 _ **WHAT THE FUCK? WHERE THE FUCK IS MY PENIS?**_

*

...and wow, spencer doesn't think he's _ever_ heard ryan say that much. brendon giggles against his neck and jon's smile has just reached epic proportions. it takes all of about 3 seconds before they haul ass to the bathroom.

THE END

 

**Author's Note:**

> [originally posted [here](http://prettykitty-aya.livejournal.com/114952.html) on 09/13/07]  
> [x-posted [here](http://community.livejournal.com/bandslashmania/114264.html) and [here](http://community.livejournal.com/band_princesses/5091.html) on 09/14/07]


End file.
